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London Tube survival guide

By Natalie De Winter On
October 8,
2013 · 3
Comments

Natalie is a student in the MatadorU Travel
Writing course.

RIDING THE LONDON TUBE during rush hour is like being devoured by an angry
beast, thrashed around its insides, and then spat out disheveled, disoriented,
and distraught. Follow this guide if you want to come out the other end with
relatively the same levels of sanity you went in with:

Know when it’s rush hour: Rush hour is approximately 7am to
10am & 4pm to 7pm weekdays; 10am to 8pm weekends and holidays. So, pretty
much all the bloody time.

Buy an Oyster: You can buy an Oyster Card at most railway stations, at
Gatwick and Heathrow Airports, many shops in London, or online from the Visit
Britain Shop. They’re returnable at the end of your trip, or you can take
them home and pass them off as a souvenir for your least favourite relative.

Load your Oyster: For up to 3 days’ travel, it’s wise to
load your Oyster with £25, because you’re capped at £8.40 per day for unlimited
train travel. For more than 3 days, get a weekly Travelcard on your Oyster,
which at £30.40 is much cheaper than 7 x £8.40.

Plan your route: And always have a secondary option. The TFL
Journey Planner is great for telling you how to get to your destination, but
often it’s not updated quickly enough to tell you about new delays or
cancellations, so make sure you know an alternative route. If you’re super
paranoid like me, it’s always good to know which buses will get you where you
need to go, too. Whatever you do, avoid the Circle and Hammersmith & City
lines during busy times.

Don’t block traffic: Quite often, your Oyster won’t work at
the initial barriers. Go ahead and try it a second time, then get the hell out
of the way or face the rolling eyes, tutting tongues, and collective groans
behind you. As you walk through the underground, know if you’re going north,
south, east, or west, because that’s how the train lines will be signposted. If
you hesitate at a turnoff, you’re likely to be swept up with a swarming wave of
bodies and end up in Shepherd’s Bush when you really wanted to be in Shoreditch.

Stay with the crowd: Only a handful of people will manage to squeeze
on at each Tube stop during rush hour. Londoners know this, and they post
themselves on the platform exactly where a door will be when the train stops.
Find them, stand right behind them, or be left on the platform while trains pass
you by.

Clear away from the doorway: Once on the train, move to the
middle, even if that means putting your crotch in front of a stranger’s
face.

Shut up: Don’t talk, don’t make eye contact, and don’t smile
at strangers, unless you’re offering an elderly passenger a seat. Mobile phones,
however, may be used, especially when engaging in an argument with the person on
the other end.

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Posted in:

Transportation
Guides • Student
Work

Destinations:

London,
United Kingdom

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story How to piss off a Portuguese

About The Author

Natalie De Winter

Natalie De Winter is an Aussie living in the UK, facetiously writing about
travel (especially Italy), film and the trials and tribulations of being an
ex-pat in a land she was certain wasn't quite that foreign when she bought the
plane ticket. You can decide if you share the same sense of humour at The
Bum Diaries, What Did Nat Think Of
It or De Winter Retreat.
If not, don't panic, there's always the pretty pictures to look at.

jrhall

And please, oh please, stand on the right when using the escalators. Walk
(up or down) on the left-hand side, and stand on the
right.

Natalie De Winter

Yessss, good one jrhall. Get that one wrong and face the wrath of all the
‘super busy’ people.

http://www.theatrebreaks.co.uk/ simon
harding

about standing in the right place on the platform… if you can see the edge
you will see the foot print marks on the platform where the doors open.
Standing just to one side of the centre of those marks you will be first on
but not get pushed out of the way whilst letting the passengers off first!
Also if you do get lost you can ask a “Londoner” for advice, but make sure you
chose one who is stationary. After they get over the surprise of being spoken
to politely they are
generally really helpful, but do give them a moment to
gather
themselves and be prepared to repeat yourself once they remove
their
earplugs :0)

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