Previous
Next

Matador
Network

Search

Community

University

Facebook

Twitter

Account

9 signs you’re not in Kansas anymore

By Lisa Barry On March 3,
2014 · 2
Comments

Photo: Niccolò
Ubalducci

1. Tornado sirens catch people off guard.

Or you cringe because you find out your new locale is in fact so unprepared
that they’ve neglected to install the life-saving horn blasters at all.

You’re accustomed to a routine, and you’ve learned not to stray from it.
Sirens sound, check date and time to determine if it’s a monthly test, take a
peek at the sky, head to the well-stocked mini-fridge and entertainment system
in your basement with a flashlight, and turn on the news. Just another stormy
night in Kansas.

Outside of Tornado Alley, your routine goes to pieces. Instead, you get
panicked meteorologists, a lack of posted public safety plans, and the
realization that architects outside of Kansas have yet to consider basements a
necessity. When you’re enduring a freak storm without warning, huddled in an
empty bathtub, you’ll be wishing you were back home again.

2. Everyone you meet wants to take you to the ocean.

Your actual proximity to the ocean doesn’t matter. Each time your Kansas
roots come up in conversation, your new acquaintance will ask if you’ve ever
laid eyes on the ocean. Before you have the chance to respond, they’ll already
have decided that you, in fact, have not.

But don’t fret! This person is your saving grace, your light in a dark place,
the answer to your life’s greatest questions. Because at this very moment
they’re already planning your “first” trip to the beach, complete with a picnic
lunch and $.99 kites from Walmart.

If everybody you meet starts to dream about their future YouTube fame when
they catch you, a full-grown adult, on camera staring wide-eyed at the Atlantic
for the very first time, you’re definitely not in Kansas anymore.

3. Your alma mater apparel is no longer acceptable for formal
occasions.

Even if your t-shirt is fitted, your hoodie is straight-out-of-the-dryer
fresh, and your alumni polo is made of particularly high-quality cotton, it
won’t work for date night. It also won’t work for interview day, fancy office
dinner evening, or social networking brunch.

Getting dressed is hard when you’re not in Kansas anymore.

4. The speed limit seems low, the driving age seems high.

Any posted speed limit under 75 will seem like child’s play. When you find
yourself cheering at the sight of a sign sporting a 60 and it feels like you may
be breaking the sound barrier, you know you’re not in Kansas anymore.

More
like this: How to piss off someone from Kansas

But then again, we Kansans have been driving since the age of 14. Maybe those
extra couple years behind the wheel justify our amped speed limits on our
perfectly paved, wide open roads.

5. You can’t find the sky.

Sunrise, sunset, midday, or dead of night, a Kansas sky never fails to make a
statement. When you find yourself searching for a sliver of blue through the
thick of trees, between mammoth buildings, or beyond towering mountains, you are
most definitely not in Kansas anymore.

6. The courtesy wave has lost its meaning.

So all of a sudden you wave to a stranger and it’s “creepy.” Waving for
someone to cross the street outside of a crosswalk is dangerous, and pausing to
wave another car into traffic on a busy road will only elicit a contagious line
of angry honking.

If you happen to be the driver of the vehicle in desperate need of a friendly
traffic wave, unless you’re in Kansas, I hope you packed snacks.

7. You need to borrow a truck and no one has one.

Not everyone in Kansas drives a great big pickup truck with 4WD and owns an
endless supply of tarps, bungees, and rope. But the important thing is that
their neighbor, brother, friend, uncle, sister-in-law, or coworker does, and
they’re always happy to share.

Move out of Kansas, and though you’ll still see trucks on the road, their
owners are mythical creatures who only appear to you in dreams around the time
you’re ready to move a houseful of furniture.

8. You’re constantly defending your education.

It won’t matter that you followed the lead of Kansans Clyde Cessna or Amelia
Earhart and now engineer or pilot airplanes. It won’t matter that you’re
studying to become a brain surgeon in the very place neurologist William Koller
was successfully tackling symptoms of Parkinson’s disease. It won’t matter that
you’re one of the nation’s brightest teachers, most sought-after veterinarians,
or most cunning lawyers.

When you find yourself in a discussion about your Kansas education, there’s
no need to dazzle your new companion with your academic achievements or superior
knowledge in your field. They’ll likely be impressed simply to find out you can
sing your ABCs.

9. Everybody keeps pointing out that “you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Perhaps the most telltale sign your feet have left their home on the range
are the incessant verbal reminders that “you’re not in Kansas anymore.”

But I concede, if I actually owned a pair of ruby slippers that could forever
rid me of long layovers and TSA frisks, I might be less hostile about that
stupid Dorothy reference.

Get more stuff like this in your inbox!

Sign up for our newsletter and get emails of great stories like this.

We think you might also like:

7 signs you were born and raised in
Pittsburgh

11 signs you were born and raised in California

7 signs you were born and raised in Canada

13 moments of culture shock for the first-time American traveler

White South Africa is small

Jump
to More Related Articles ↓

Posted in:

Culture
Guides • Student
Work

Destinations:

Kansas
(region), United States

Powder for Powder, ep. 2: ALCAN adventure Why
every woman should check out the Women’s Travel Fest

About The Author

Lisa Barry

Lisa grew up in a suburb of Kansas City but has been on the move ever since
she graduated with her English degree in 2011. For two years she traipsed around
New England, getting her career in journalism off the ground, and is currently a
freelance writer based in Vero Beach, Fla. When she isn't trying to craft her
next travel or human interest piece, she is probably busy eating pizza or
sampling every pastry at the nearest bakery. You can find out more about her at
http://lisapescado.com/.

More By This Author

How to piss off someone from Kansas (178 comments)

view all → Lisa Barry

Becca Brown

This is spot on. Great article! Born and raised in KS, I can testify that
every word is true. My fave is “If you happen to be the driver of the vehicle
in desperate need of a friendly traffic wave, unless you’re in Kansas, I hope
you packed snacks.”

Negative Nancy

Heh- I’ve lived in KS all my life…I grew up on a farm, have seen (and
photographed) many tornadoes, AND I drive a big freakin’ truck.
:p

I’ll
never diss the NYC subway again after watching this

Squatting
East Berlin in the ’90s [interview]

How
to piss off a Spaniard

6
things I’ve learned about New Zealand

Kumbh
Mela: What I found in the waters of the Ganges

Related
Articles

Feature

13 moments of culture shock for the first-time American
traveler

Burritos and chop suey have laid the foundations
for our sophisticated, multicultural...

Culture Guides »

15

Feature

White South Africa is small

Today, the new South Africa is all about the silver
linings.

Culture Guides »

3

Feature

Why Vietnamese Americans rule the nail salon
scene

48% of nail professionals in the US are Vietnamese
Americans.

Culture Guides »

11

Feature

10 things being a bartender teaches you about
people

We'll tell strangers anything.

Culture Guides »

8

Gallery

10 experiences you can only have in the
Guianas

We expected to spend a few weeks here. We stayed a
year and a half.

Culture Guides »

3

Quick-Read

17 signs your soul belongs in France

Not taking a two-hour lunch break is one of the
seven deadly sins.

Culture Guides »

2

Feature

6 signs you're still a tourist in Canada

You bought a red plaid shirt and trained yourself
to say “washroom.”

Culture Guides »

4

Feature

How to piss off someone from Kansas

Assume we all grew up on farms.

How to piss off... »

178

Feature

31 signs you were born and raised in
Florida

Your thickest jacket is a flannel.

Culture Guides »

7

Feature

12 sure signs you were born and raised in Los
Angeles

You gotta insert a little levity into the equation.
That’s the real mark of an Angeleno.

Culture Guides »

9

Feature

10 signs you're still a tourist in San
Francisco

You've got your Giants hat, pour-over coffee, and
road bike and think you're a local?

Culture Guides »

21

Feature

11 signs you were born and raised around
DC

You would never pay $1100 a month to live in
Columbia Heights.

Culture Guides »

Correspondent

In Paris, yes is the new "oui"

Journalist 2: "Just tweet it along with 'hashtag
boobs.'"

Culture Guides »

10

Matador Network © 2006-2014

Terms
of Service
Privacy
Policy

Subscribe →

About Matador

Overview

Meet The
Team

Advertise

Contests

Jobs

Interns

Contact

Sections

Topics

Destinations

Partner Series

Ambassadors

Community

Become a Contributor

Contributor
Guidelines

Submit Your
Article

Submit Your
Video

Author's
Rights

Network
Overview

Book
Publishing

MatadorU

Travel
Writing

Travel
Photography

Travel
Filmmaking

About
MatadorU

Mobile
Site