Santa Claus and the Effect On Our Children

Written in 1997.

Does the effort to make our children believe in Santa Clause have any bad
effects? The business comunity as wel as the entertainment industry would say
no. I would have thought by now, religious groups would have demanded that we
stop trying to get our children to believe in Santa Claus.

In my case it was my daughter's questions that started this train of thought.
When she was a toddler we got her into the Santa myth as much as anyone. We gave
her all the usual crap that if you are not good, Santa will know and will stiff
you at Christmas. It came to a head when she was 6. She came to me one day a
couple months before Christmas and asked me:

"Tell me the real, real, real honest truth. Is there a Santa Claus?"

What could I do? I told her it was a story we tell our kids to make them
happy at Christmas, but no, since you put it that way, there is no Santa Claus.

This was accepted well as she had figured out there was no way someone could
do a miracle like delivering packages to all the children in the world in one
night, nor was any being capable of seeing all and knowing all. After all, we
say Santa Clause can do miracles, like the toy delivery and we tell children to
be good because Santa sees them and will punish the wicked and reward the good.
This is actually a pretty good description of most gods through history.

She then said that she guesses that the Easter bunny and tooth fairy are fake
too and I agreed. Then she said she guessed God was fake too. She said she won't
believe in anything she can't see. To this day, she's a practicing athiest.

After all, the adult world fooled her. This happenned during the part of her
life when she was totally trusting of authority. It turns out we pulled one over
on her. All the older folks got together in this massive plot to screw with her
head. Then we did it again with the Easter Bunny. Then the Tooth Fairy. Now, how
can we expect kids to believe in God after taking their trusting, budding
intellect and smashing that trust several times. I think we really use Santa and
his "ability" to see all and know all to control our children. In street talk,
another case of "the man putting down the people".

After all, look at the propaganda machine that attempts to make children
believe in Santa Claus every year. As great as all the effort put out by the
churches for God, at least in the western world. Besides, the kids can go down
to the local mall and sit on Santa's lap but Jesus?. Now, after fooling them not
once, not twice but at least 3 times, we then expect them to believe in an
invisible God.

Fooled you three times. Now believe this one will ya! I think not. Sure kids
usually don't think that deep on the surface. However, my daughter has surprised
me from her first words on how deep kids can be at times.

It is not my attention to debate religion or if there is a God. I'm bit of an
agnostic myself. (We are not atheists. We do not deny the possibility of a god,
its just that we are not sure which, if any of the contradictory stories we have
been told. We're totally confused but we will find out after we die and are
content to wait until then to find out. After all, what is the rest of one's
natural life compared to eternity?

Either you find out there is an afterlife or there is nothing after death. If
there is nothing, there is no meaning to life anyway and we agnostics saved a
lot of time not bothering with church. If there is an afterlife, I cannot
imagine a deity with such a fragile ego that it needed you to show up in a
specific building each week to praise it.

I have a theory about what appears to be the Godlessness in our world. It may
be a bit of a crackpot theory but I sort of blame the Coca Cola company. Please
understand, I am not caling the Coca Cola company evil or anything. They are
merely merchands trying to peddle fizzy sugar water.

I feel the decline in church attendance that started in the 1950s was
triggered in the 1920s. The 20s were when the Coca Cola company started
advertising campaigns that gave us our modern image of Santa Claus. This follows
with the department stores in the 30s starting to promote Christmas more and
more. In fact most of our modern Christmas traditions were really the invention
of advertisers, stores and Hollywood screen writers. By the 50's we were
actively trying to make all our children to believe in Santa in our younger
years.

By the 50's while we could not attribute it to anything, we had an entire
generation of children taught there was a "Santa Clause godlike figure" only to
be told later that it was fake, that we fooled them. Then we expected them to
believe in another god type being that was not being pushed as hard. One that
did not even bring us gifts. Kids may not have said it out loud but after being
fooled about Santa, the attitude towards God was something like "get real".

Personally, it was around November 1960 when I was 9, in grade 4, that during
recess one day, my mother came out into the school yard (She taught the other
grade 4 class at the school) with a stern look on her face. She came up to me
and took me aside from my friends and in a solemn voice told me that she had
something important to tell me and it had been bothering her for quite a while..
I thought that oh oh, we had to move again (my dad was in the military), but her
announcement was that there was no Santa Claus. My reply was "I know".

She was flabbergasted and asked how long I knew. I felt like saying "What
kind of idiot do you take me for. I'm not stupid, I figured it out years ago."
However, I really said something like " Oh, for a while now." I added that for
the past few years I was stringing them along as they seemed to enjoy fooling
me.

About the only good thing I can say about the Santa thing is that it could
teach that giving gifts anonymously is a good thing to do. That by having your
parents give gifts in the name of Santa teaches you that you should give without
expecting any credit for yourself. However, I have never seen this point made to
our kids once they discover there is no Santa.

To tell you the truth, Santa Claus makes a more appealing god than the one in
the Bible. Santa only brings you a lump of coal if you are bad. The biblical god
damns you to burn in hell forever and ever if you are bad. Which one would you
pick if you are shopping for a god. No wonder our children are confused.

While 6 year olds cannot think as clearly as adults, I know there is a deeper
level of thought process going on that does not show up until later. I believe
that once you take advantage of a person, they are far more alert for being
taken again. By faking out our children with Santa, the Easter Bunny and the
Tooth Fairy, we are breeding a pack of cynics. We are proving to our children
that we cannot be trusted and what we say may turn out to be a
pack of lies. No wonder the kids of the 60s
said to never trust anyone over thirty.

On a slightly diferent topic for a minute, what about
baby talk?

Why do we speak gibberish to our babies? They are
trying to communicate with us and we teach them babble. My wife and I made it a
point never to speak gibberish to our daughter and we made sure others did not
either. As a consequence, she may have been a few weeks later in talking but
when she was 11 months old, after not saying a word until then, while I was
holding her in my arms by the back door, she points to the burglar alarm warning
sticker on the door and clear as a bell, asks "What's that". My wife and I look
at each other. My wife's expression is one of total surprise and I say "A
sticker."

After that she started to talk. Other than a bit of
difficulty in pronouncing longer words, she could be understood from then
on.

This tells me that there are deep low level processes
going on in the brain. Until then, she was integrating what she heard around her
and when the time was right, when she had a need that could not be communicated
in standard baby methods (crying, etc.) she came out with it.

After all, if a 3 year old could express ideas like an
adult, they would probably say"

"What kind of idiots are you!. I need to communicate
with you and you teach me gibberish. Now, you tell me I have to ditch that, lose
years of learning and start over!"

Getting back to Santa, we are doing that as well. A kid who could think like
an adult would say"

"You and the media get me to believe in this Santa religion with god like
powers with the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy as accomplices then you tell me it
is fake! Then you try to get me to believe in a God in heaven. I think not!.
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you!

If we expect our children to believe in a God, whether you are Christian,
Jew, Moslem, Hindu, animist or whatever, its time to ditch the Santa myth. We
have to tell our children from day one that Santa is a fairy story that was
distorted over time and brought to its modern form by the Coca Cola company. An
amusing story for entertainment, like A Christmas Carol.

I think it is no coincidence that the first generation fully immersed in the
Santa Clause machine since birth, those being teens in the 60s. came up with the
philosophy of "Never trust anyone over 30". Now, we who were brought up in the
60's are doing the same deceitful thing to our children. We are suckering our
children just so industry can suck us into buying bigger and more costly gifts
to exchange in the holidays. I believe we can still be coerced into buying
gifts to exchange without violating the trust of our children by getting them to
believe in a false god. Santa can stay but has to be presented as a fairy tale
like we do with Sleeping Beauty and the others.

This is not to say we should stop celebrating Christmas (or whatever) or
exchanging gifts. A gift exchange festival around winter solstice is a part of
pretty well every culture and has been with us for thousands of years. It is a
nice tradition to continue. I like getting gifts and the tradition does help
stimulate the economy. Otherwise almost no man would ever end up owning more
than 3 ties.

Making our children worship a false god, Santa Claus, has to stop. If we stop
doing this we may get the next generation's trust back.

I would appreciate comments on this. My email is [email-masked]

Dan Fraser

Here is a very thoughtful reply to the above I received on August 22,
1998.

Hi Dan -

I was surfing when I accidentally stumbled on your opinion about Santa
Claus.  My wife and I have been trying for some years to conceive and were
finally successful 4 months ago so I am particularly interested in child rearing
right now and your page peaked my interest.

I remember finding out he wasn't real myself (although that was 25 years ago,
I am 32).  My Dad told me just after I had stood up for Santa in school in
front of everyone.  After the revelation I wasn't upset or mistrusting so
much as I was angry that I had been lied to for so long which also ultimately
led to my own humiliation.  So, regarding the issue of betraying our
children's trust I sympathize with you.

Even so, I see the merit in teaching the value of giving anonymously to
children by example.  I remember that along with my anger was bewilderment
why my parents would give so much when I knew they had so little, and they
demanded no recognition for it (they told me "the truth" because they thought I
was mature enough - it was like a compliment, although it came a little too
late).  As a result I realized that Christmas was about giving.
Although I think my parents should've told me "the truth" sooner in life, I'm
also glad they taught me this lesson by example.

I also learned that maturity is rewarded with knowledge and greater
understanding.  Pretending is a wonderful part of childhood, and pretending
is a far, far cry from malicious lying.  Admittedly, my parents were too
slow in telling me "the truth" but had they done it earlier in life I would've
felt proud that my parents thought I'd grown out of the 'pretending'
stage.  Furthermore, my parents assured me that they wouldn't ever
"pretend" with me again that way because I was too mature to "pretend"
anymore.  I knew it wasn't malicious but it was necessary to teach me an
invaluable lesson in a very real way to feel the very real effects of
disappointment when pretending
continues on to adulthood.  Learning
"the truth" teaches that it's time to grow up, and learning "the truth" for many
children (if done at the right time) becomes a "rite of passage".

Do you remember feeling this way?  Did you ever think, "Wow, I know they
don't have very much money and they gave me all these gifts without expecting me
to thank them"?  Did you ever come to the conclusion, "There must be
something more to Christmas than getting presents"?  Do you remember
recognizing those around you hadn't yet grown out of the 'pretending' stage and
feeling (and thereby acting) more mature?  Do you think your daughter has
or ever will have those feelings as a result?

So regardless of whether I will do Santa Claus, I can't help but want to give
anonymously to my child on Christmas to see their pure joy without feeling the
need for them to express gratitude.  That's what altruism is.  What
better way to teach it than by example.  As far as I can imagine, Santa
Claus is the best way to do this.  How else can I do this, and
simultaneously teach them the joy of giving anonymously by example?

On another note:  These comments assume  NOT using Santa Claus as a
manipulative tool.  Using Santa manipulatively suggests to the child that
there is some unseen entity that rewards good behavior and
punishes
bad.  The unhappy truth is that good behavior is rarely rewarded and
children who think otherwise are in for a disappointing reality.  Besides,
I for one do not want my child to be moral for selfish purposes, but rather to
be moral out of strength of character.

More on this... The Santa Claus that rewards the good and punishes the bad
was invented by a society that also believed in a cold, calculating God that
metes out justice with no thought of mercy.  Most people no longer believe
that way, but somehow  they still raise their children that way.  It's
a paradox.  While Mom and Dad believe they can do as they please because
they've been "saved" they're telling their kids at the same time "obey or
suffer" regardless of whether they're discussing God or Santa.  Eventually
children grow up and learn that Santa is a myth, Mom and Dad do what they want
and are still "saved", and so they (with good reason) deny God altogether and
may even develop an agnostic approach to morality.  Can anyone blame them?

A better situation is when parents teach responsibility by example, and if
they do the Santa thing they portray him as an anonymous person who gives
presents purely for the joy of giving.  Then Santa becomes an example of
altruism, and eventually so does the parent.

Thus I think I'm leaning toward doing Santa as a real character, because I
see how much good it can do if done correctly, but what is "correctly" and how,
and furthermore I don't want it to become a seed of mistrust that will rule
their lives.  I'm devoutly religious and I trust my parents 100%, so it
didn't have that effect on me, but according to your stated opinion I'm the
anomaly.  If you have suggestions or still think that "Santa as a real
character" cannot be rationally justified (regardless of how it is done) I'd
like to know.

Thanks,
Dave Austin
[email-masked]

Here is a reply from April 6, 2003 from Zebbie Reed

I checked out your schematic link, found your letter about Santa Claus and
the other fairy tales.  I believe these were created by adults for
themselves. For their enjoyment and amusement, and maybe sometimes also an
attempt to control their child's behavior. The better behavior during the year,
the better or more gifts the child will receive.  I think this teaches
children that the degree of "good" behavior from them will depend upon the
degree of gifts or rewards that they will receive. Instead of teaching children
that good behavior is or should be the way of
life, standard of living, and
is not or should not be dependent upon whether one receives rewards from anyone
or even in life.  But then, how does one or society define "good behavior",
which also leads to the topic of ethics which has so many different meanings.

I wouldn't blame Coca Cola because I believe that marketing is based on what
is already active in society.  Marketing compaigns/emphasis what is already
a norm or fade or rave in society.  Santa Claus, for example, was already
common knowledge, I believe, in society.  Coca Cola just took advantedge of
this, saw a way to take advantedge and stimulate their marketing and sales by
supporting or exploiting the Santa Claus theme that society had already created,
practiced and passing down generations. I believe that society in the largest
part, dictates what we watch in movies and commercials, not the other way
around.  With this, society has the ability to change what we watch and
what is campaigned to us. At least in the US.

Many young children are told these stories but still grow up to be healthy
and normal human beings in socieety.  And even though some some of these
children may not have appreciated being tricked this way, for some reason they
still grow up to continue the tradition to their own children.

A comment on January 26, 2006 from Richard N. Stone,
Townsville, Queensland, Australia

I liked your page on Santa Claus. It stopped 1 step short
of mentioning the next horrible realisation in a childs upbringing :-

Humpty Dumpty, ........  was pushed.

From that moment, paranoia sets in and the child will never be the same
again. Actually, most foreigners view America as highly paranoid.

On the
religous side (which really should not be mixed with the topic of Sanata Claus),
there are at least 700 religions on the face of the planet, each one claiming to
be the one and only "true" one. As a result of this (and many other
ingredients), I'm a complete atheist. At the age of 8, I got impatient with
this spoon feeding of the bible at Sunday school and read the whole thing. It is
an interesting novel. I appreciate it's (their) efforts to teach morals, ethics
and understanding.

However, (the mathematicians credo) "Believing is NOT knowing" applies
here. I believe that everyone should be taught a religion, and if they cannot
see
past it, then that is where they will (and should)
stay.

Regards
Richard N. Stone
Townsville, Queensland,
Australia
(originally from Sydney, which I left when I was 20 and have spent
25 years outside Australia, 2 in the USof A.)

Mathematicians) (an
example) - there were three men in a train compartment travelling North from
London to Scotland, right up the middle of the lovely
countryside in the
centre of England. One was a mathematician, one was a scientist and the other
was a newspaper reporter. The mathematician and scientist both had their heads
buried in books, The reporter was looking out the window enjoying the view of
the rolling green pastures when he sees a
black sheep. He says out aloud,
"Oh, look, there is a paddock with some black sheep". This caused the scientist
to lower his book and observe. He
corrected the reporter and said "There is a
paddock with 1 black sheep". This piqued the curiosity of the mathematician who
lowered his book just to
check the other two and he said "There is a paddock
with a sheep that is black on one side".

ps - just loved your comment
about :-
"If you slept or partied through your classes, I suggest you explore
careers in fast food."