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Wisdoms

Most of the quotes that follow are
original. The rest were found here and there, and credit for them is given if
known. New entries are added periodically at the end of the
list.

"Just because you believe something doesn't make it
true."

"It takes a long time to become really good at
something."

"You can accomplish nearly anything - often it just takes
one phone call to the right person."

"As much as we may love them, animals have no sense of
esthetics - a dog will drink from the toilet, and a cat will bite the head off a
mouse and eat it."

"A leader has the clarity of thought to understand what
matters and what doesn't, plus the self-confidence to express his or her
convictions."

"The pursuit of knowledge and scientific understanding is
consistent with the innate human goal of self-preservation."

"Often we fault in others what we see in
ourselves."

"These days many movies are rated as containing Graphic
Violence and Brief Nudity - I much prefer Brief Violence and Graphic
Nudity!"

"Do you think the people who establish speed limits for
local and state roads actually drive that slowly themselves?"

"Reasonable people adapt to the world. Unreasonable people
persist in trying to adapt the world to themselves. Therefore, all progress
depends on unreasonable people." --George Bernard Shaw

"One moron can ask more questions than ten wise men can
answer." --From a tag line on CompuServe

"He's a timid man who tries to look tough - a sheep in
wolf's clothing."

"We all want to get laid, but nobody wants to get
screwed."

"It is always easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get
permission." --Adm. Grace Hopper

Ethan's corollary to the above: "It takes only two
seconds to say 'Please excuse the mess' versus half an hour or more to actually
clean and vacuum."

"I fully respect your right to disagree with me, so long as
you understand that I'm right and you're wrong."

"Knowing a lot of facts is not the same as being
smart."

"For every opinion on a given issue there will always be
proponents for the opposite viewpoint - no matter how preposterous."

"Criticizing others is a dishonest way of praising
ourselves." --From a letter to our local newspaper

"Microsoft is a praying mantis: It eats its partners
while it's having sex with them." --Nicholas Petreley

"Hitting is learned behavior."

"People opposed to drinking are often former alcoholics, but
most people who are against legalizing marijuana have never tried
it."

"There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten
things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do
them. But he loves you!" --George Carlin

"If AIDS is god's way of punishing homosexuals, then by
the same logic E. Coli must be god's way of punishing people who eat
meat."

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in
one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other
possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." --Stephen Roberts

"It's not so much that people are stupid, but many don't
take the time to think things through." --Lionel, talk show host on WABC
Talk Radio

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
--Unknown

"Good composers borrow, great composers steal."
--Igor Stravinsky

"Spirituality is simply a human emotion. And like all
emotions it is entirely within one's own mind."

"God is Santa Claus for adults."

"Common etiquette says not to talk about politics, sex,
religion, or money. But these are the most interesting things to
discuss!"

"Cleanliness is next to impossible."
--Anon.

"Faith is a poor substitute for logic and
reason."

"Beauty fades, dumb is forever." --Judge
Judy

"Trying is the first step toward failure." --Homer
Simpson

"If 'The Devil made me do it' is not a valid defense in
a court of law, then insurance companies shouldn't be able to weasel out of
claims for damage caused by an 'Act of God'."

"Behaving well from a fear of god is far less noble than
behaving well because it's the right thing to do."

"Just because something is legal doesn't make it good,
and just because something is illegal doesn't make it bad."

"Good luck is the result of good planning." --from a
fortune cookie

"Never judge a book by its movie." --J.W.
Eagan

"If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it's still a
foolish thing." --Anatole France (1844-1924)

"It's a fine line between frugal and being a cheap
bastard."

"A gun is no longer 'The great equalizer.' Today it's the
Internet and newsgroups, where anyone can be taken seriously based only on what
they say and without prejudice for their physical appearance."

"War is good business; invest your son." --Ron Kuby
on WABC Talk Radio

"The only thing worse than being incompetent is not
knowing you are."

"I didn't think it was possible, but this both sucks
and blows." --Bart Simpson, watching a school faculty talent
show

"I'm old enough to know better, but I'm still too young
to care." --Country song by Wade Hayes

"Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when
they do it from religious conviction." --Blaise Pascal

"The most important ingredient for success is being able
to communicate."

"The ugly truth is always better than the best-dressed
lie." --Ann Landers

"If hunters 'own' the wild animals and presume the right
to shoot them, why don't people opposed to hunting have an equal right to say
No?"

"If you think your teenagers are fully honest with you,
just think back to when you were a teenager."

"It pains me when someone murders his wife and kids, and
then kills himself. Hey, do us all a favor and shoot yourself
first."

"When you go to a restaurant they ask, 'Smoking or
non-smoking?' The question should be, 'Kids or no kids?'"

"A faith that cannot survive collision with the truth is
not worth many regrets." --Arthur C. Clarke

"When morality comes up against profit, it is seldom
that profit loses." --Shirley Chisolm

"The true appeal of guns is the power they give to those
who feel powerless."

"The so-called patriot groups are behind some of the
most evil and unpatriotic acts."

"I used to be angry at astrologers and promoters of
alternative medicine for their shameless pandering to people's weakness. These
days I'm more angry at the fools who fall for that nonsense."

"Personally, I prefer a politician who is curious enough
to have smoked pot and tried cocaine or LSD. It is a small mind indeed that's
afraid to try something new or unknown."

"Whenever someone tells me how wonderful it must have
been to live in an earlier age, all I can think of is no aspirin, no toilet
paper, and no air conditioning."

"Citing tradition as the only reason for continuing a
useless practice is surely a lame excuse."

"It's amazing how the Jews, Christians, and Muslims have
so much heritage in common, yet it seems they're always killing each
other." --Doug Ferrara

"If you want to know someone's true personality, just
watch them drive."

"There's nothing wrong with most public schools. It's up
to parents to make sure their kids study and get good grades."

"A lot of conservatives complain that Bill Clinton got
elected with less than half the popular vote. But their guy GW got even fewer
votes!"

"When you talk to God it's called prayer; when God talks
to you it's called schizophrenia." --A line from The Outer Limits
TV show

Rob Carlson on rock bands: "If you can't be good, be
loud."

"It's a far far better thing to have and not need than
to need and not have." --Rob Carlson

"Man made booze. God made marijuana. Who do you
trust?" --Unknown

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents,
and the second half by our children." --Clarence Darrow

"Congress has not managed to implement campaign finance
reform, keep guns out of the classroom, stop the cable TV companies from raping
consumers, or prevent big industry from polluting our air and water, yet it has
plenty of time to propose putting the Ten Commandments in schools and other
public buildings."

"I don't know the secret of success, but the secret of
failure is to try to please everybody." --Bill Cosby

"When two friends fight nobody wins." --Edith
Bunker on All in the Family

"Alternative Health proponents want it both ways: First
they say your regular doctor doesn't know as much as they do and conventional
medicine is a failure. Then they claim their products are 'clinically tested'
and 'scientifically proven' to work."

"The great thing about opinions is you don't have to
back them up with facts."

"We often hear that a labor union is demanding more
money. But they never say how much they earn now, so how can we know
whose side to take?"

"I have always believed that it is a coward's pursuit to
go into the woods to shoot an animal. It is not a sport if the victim is unable
to return fire." --Frank Eldridge

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss
events, small minds discuss people." --Admiral Hyman G. Rickover

"Simple minds are satisfied by simplistic
explanations."

"As a cynic I generally expect the worst. I'm rarely
disappointed."

"Did you ever wonder why they call something so divisive
a 'Union'?" --Lois Mastrangelo

"If the government was really serious about preventing
people from drinking and then driving, they wouldn't allow bars to have parking
lots." --From a letter to our local paper

"Dope will get you through times of no money better than
money will get you through times of no dope." --the Furry Freak
Brothers

"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in
argument." --William G. McAdoo, American government official
(1863-1941)

"Why is it that as soon as politicians get elected they
believe our money belongs to them?"

"If an animal mauls a kid, chances are the animal will
be destroyed. It's really too bad the same law doesn't apply to a kid that
tortures an animal." --From a letter to our local paper

"The most difficult and unpleasant jobs always seem to
pay the least salary."

"Fathering five children does not show the world how
macho you are. A dog can do that. If you want to be a real man, try adopting
some kids with special needs."

"Every day, self-proclaimed stock market 'experts' tell
us why the market just went up or down, as if they really knew. So where were
they yesterday?"

"All great truths begin as blasphemies." --George
Bernard Shaw

"A censor is someone who views pornography all day, but
does not get corrupted even though he is certain you would."

"If you think seatbelts are confining, you should try a
wheelchair." --Dr. Henry Betts, former head of the Rehabilitation Institute
of Chicago

"The large print giveth and the small print taketh
away." --Tom Waits

"Censorship is the height of vanity." --Martha
Graham

"The greatest tragedy may be the hijacking of morality
by religion. However valuable that may have been to enforce good behavior on
primitive peoples, the association is now counter-productive. Yet at the very
moment when they should be decoupled, sanctimonious nitwits are calling for a
return to morals based on superstition." --Arthur C. Clarke

"How can you make two months' salary last forever? Easy.
Invest it wisely, instead of buying useless trinkets with no inherent
value."

"Luck is when opportunity meets preparation."
--Eric Beheim

"Were there none who were discontented with what they
have, the world would never reach anything better." --Florence
Nightingale

"An educated man should know everything about something,
and something about everything." --Dame C.V. Wedgwood, English historian
(1910-1997)

"Small minds are concerned more with the symbols of
patriotism than with the underlying principles of freedom and
democracy."

"The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is
no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober
one." --George Bernard Shaw

"If we don't believe in freedom of expression for people
we despise, we don't believe in it at all." --Noam Chomsky

"A bunny rabbit is basically a big rat. So why is one
adorable and the other reviled?"

"Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent."
--Salvor Hardin (character in the book Foundation by Isaac
Asimov)

"Many magazine publishers wrongly believe they have to
cater to their advertisers since the advertisers pay the bills. But in fact it
is the readers who deserve the magazine's loyalty, because without them
there would be no ads or revenue!"

"There is no doubt that the level of US violence has
risen over the past forty years. I blame this directly on the religious right.
As television and movie producers began pushing the envelope to make their shows
more exciting, the religious right fought for censorship to prevent sex from
being shown - so the producers instead made their shows more violent. And that
has desensitized society thus making violence more acceptable."

"If we're all God's children, what's so special about
Jesus?" --Jimmy Carr, comedian

"No listener gives a damn what microphone preamp you
used." --Craig Anderton

"I play in several amateur orchestras, and have noticed
that the players who miss the most rehearsals are the very ones who can least
afford to be absent!"

"A good scientist can explain how something works using
plain language, without needing math and formulas."

"The biggest problem with education today is that
students are taught what to think, but not how to
think."

"Without ego, greatness is impossible."

"If you steal a little money you go to jail. If you
steal a lot you don't." --Unknown

"Nothing in this world is more precious than a kitten -
but just try to give one away!"

"No amount of classical music training will ever teach
you what's so cool about 'Tighten Up' by Archie Bell And The Drells"
--Unknown

"When stores and big business raise prices they claim
they're just keeping up with the cost of living. In fact, they are driving
up the cost of living."

"Skeptics question, cynics assume."

"The later I am, the slower I drive - I'd rather be five
minutes late than lose twenty minutes while getting a traffic
ticket!"

"Little boys should never be forced to wear a necktie.
In fact, nobody should ever have to wear a tie."

"Shop-at-home TV channels serve well as a national IQ
test."

"The most obvious thing that proves average, fallible
people wrote the texts of the bible, is that the book describes god's feelings,
opinions, and preferences. He's mad ... He's pleased. Give me a
break. If my creator deals with his/her problems LIKE I DO, then I need to find
someone a little higher up." --Posted by 'bvdd' on the MusicPlayer web
forum

"Hunting is the worst type of bullying."

"When a true genius appears in this world, you may know
him by this sign, that the dunces are all in confederacy against him."
--Jonathan Swift

"The dividing line between Liberals and Conservatives is
at 100 IQ points."

"The great thing about standards is there are so many to
choose from." (author unknown)

"Empirical evidence trumps theory every
time."

"Just because something costs a lot doesn't mean it's
really worth that much."

"Success in any endeavor requires one simple formula:
First define precisely what you want to do, then devise efficient logical steps
to get there."

"You don't have to be a bastard to do well in
business."

"When you can measure what you are speaking about, and
express it in numbers, you know something about it. But when you cannot ... your
knowledge is ... meager and unsatisfactory." --Lord Kelvin, 19th century
physicist

"First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then
they fight you, then you win." --Mahatma Gandhi

"If what you really need is outside your budget, stretch
the budget. Otherwise you're wasting all your money." --Laurence
Payne

"Anyone who uses a leaf blower or chain saw should by
law be required to pay every neighbor within 1/4 mile $5 per
hour."

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the
time." --James Thurber

"If I had $100 million I would spend it all on radio and
TV ads to influence public opinion on social issues."

"The French word for 'warning' is
avertissement. Coincidence? I think not!"

"Email spammers are assholes."

"Every time I have accepted financial advice from a
'professional' I lost a lot of money."

"Liberals and conservatives argue endlessly whether this
program or that should be run by the government or by private business. Either
can work! What really matters is how efficiently it's done, and if there's
accountability for the results."

"US law requires radio and TV ads for legtimate medicine
to include endless disclaimers and warnings, while ads for 'alternative
medicine' products have no such requirement and can claim whatever they want.
Thanks to Ronald Reagan for this disgraceful travesty."

"A scientist seeks the truth, wherever that may lead. A
believer already knows the truth, and cannot be swayed no matter how compelling
the evidence."

"Everyone understands and accepts that the placebo
effect is real, but for some reason audiophiles think it never happens to
them."

"Any good orchestra can play a concert without a
conductor, but name one conductor that can play a concert without the
orchestra!"

"The more expensive the vehicle, the less likely the
driver is courteous and uses his turn signals."

"Anonymity seems to bring out the worst in
people."

"You can't have a democracy without an informed
people." --White House reporter Helen Thomas

"Some people fear government intrusion into their
privacy, but overlook that their garbage collector knows exactly how much booze
they drink and their postal carrier knows every porn magazine they subscribe
to."

"But I had so much more to do." --The last words of
an intelligent person

"As soon as someone says, 'With all due respect' you can
be sure they're about to say something disrespectful or
insulting."

"It's always distressing when minorities make racist
comments. As targets themselves, you'd think they of all people would know
better."

"What can be asserted without proof can be dismissed
without proof." --Christopher Hitchens

"I hate fake boobs. I'd rather see and touch real A-cups
than larger fake ones."

"When juveniles are arrested for hate crimes, the main
story newspapers should print is about the parents."

"You want an inconvenient truth? Try this one: Human
beings are clearly evolved for sex lives featuring multiple simultaneous sexual
relationships." --Christopher Ryan

"If the origins of the inverse are ever known, it will
be discovered by scientists, not theologians. Science is still searching,
religion already knows."

"It is fatal to be right when the rest of the world is
wrong." --Brother Theodore

"Many stores advertise they will match any price. But
why should they be rewarded with our business when someone else had the courage
to set their prices lower in the first place?"

"The national telephone Do Not Call list was a great
idea. But it has no teeth. And the phone spammers can block their Caller ID.
Worse, politicians exempted themselves from the law, making it legal for them to
spam us by telephone!"

"I'm always amused by those 'Drugs don't work' bumper
stickers. In fact, Drugs do work."

"If your car is so precious that you must straddle two
parking spaces to avoid scratches, please park at the far end of the
lot."

"A lot of mattress shops offer a 30-day money-back
guarantee. But what happens to the returns, and can I be sure not to get one of
those?"

"The use of audiophile terms like 'airy,' 'transparent,'
'rhythm and pace,' 'blacker backgrounds,' etc, instead of doing any real
measurements, paints the high end as being fraudulent, lazy and corrupt."
--DavidL

"People tend to disbelieve and dismiss what they don't
understand." (See the Dunning-Kruger Effect.)

"The current US financial crisis could be solved with
three simple changes: 1) Legalize all recreational drugs, saving billions of
dollars prosecuting and incarcerating harmless citizens, and earning billions
more in new taxes; 2) Revoke the tax-exempt status of churches; 3) Withdraw
soldiers and expensive 'contractors' from all foreign conflicts, reducing
military spending to only what's needed for our own
self-defense."

"Ignorant people rely on insults instead of
facts."

"The amount of suffering in the world is unfathomable to
me. The despair of millions of innocent people in jail, and animals in cages.
Hundreds of millions of poor people and animals suffering broken bones and
painful diseases right now, with no chance of treatment. Millions of children
beaten daily by their parents, and millions of women beaten daily by their
husbands or boyfriends. Mass starvation somewhere in the world every day. Women
whipped mercilessly or stoned for disobeying rules made up by men. Teenage girls
having their genitals sliced off for 'religious' reasons. Millions of animals
burned alive in forest fires. It goes on and on. How can anyone possibly believe
this is the intentional grand plan of some deity?"

"People who have five children need to pay five times
more taxes than those with no children."

"If you never want your own soldier son to be tortured,
you must oppose torturing the soldier sons of your enemies."

"Support our troops - by bringing them
home!"

The following were submitted by Phil Parmenter,
source unknown:

"Always remember you're unique - just like everyone
else."

"It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to
serve as a warning to others."

"It is far more impressive when others discover your
good qualities without your help."

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything."

"If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it."

"Never mess-up an apology with an
excuse."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large
groups."

"If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause
people."

"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you."

"Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment."

"A closed mouth gathers no foot."

"Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell and
have them be happy to be on their way."

"Never miss a good chance to shut up."

"Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun
of."

"Experience is something you don't get until just after
you need it."

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard."

"Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted."

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1997-2010 by Ethan Winer, all rights reserved.

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